I started a new job awhile ago, and was chatting with a new friend/coworker. In the course of the conversation, I said that I don’t really use duplicity on a daily basis; that I do my best to represent the world as accurately as I can. Which is true.
And also not true.
On reflection, it seems I’m entirely capable of duplicity, and worse, I do it every day. Twelve hours a day, five days a week, for literally years now. It’s the kind of duplicity necessary to work on someone else’s passion instead of your own for hours a day, to slog back home and do it all over again the next morning.
I like to think of myself as representing the world as truthfully as I can; and in some ways I do; when recalling details or a sequence of events or whatever. But to myself; it seems I’m a compulsive liar. And I don’t know how to stop.